Southeast Asian

GREETING

When greeting someone, one must address the person being greeted with the proper pronoun such as Official Title (rank/social status) or Kinship Title. A younger person or inferior status is expected to initiate the greeting process first.

A person that knows how to properly greet other people is given a higher respect and is considered as a possible future leader. On the contrary, a person that doesn't know how to greet others properly is looked upon as lacking intelligence and would not command the respect of others.

Traditionally, Asian children are taught to respect other people especially the elders. If one wants respect, the respect must be earned by giving it first.

BOWING

Bowing is a form of nonverbal greeting commonly used by the adults in the S.E. Asian community. Although the handshake is a universally know form of greeting, the adult population use bowing to greet the opposite sex.

Like other forms of greeting, the person of inferior status initiates the greeting first. When greeting the opposite sex, the man should initiate first. In the United State, many of both sexes are shaking hands in public instead of bowing. However, bowing is still common in the homes.

Bowing can be accomplished by pressing the palms together with the fingers pointing upward, positioning the hands at the chest level, and slightly bending the head forward once. If handshake is used, bowing precedes it. There are three positions which the hands should be placed when greeting different people.

When greeting a religious person, the authority or begging for forgiveness, the hands should be positioned at the forehead level; at the chin level for someone with higher social status or one that commands more respect; and at chest level for greeting someone of equal status.

HUGGING OR KISSING

The S.E. Asian rarely HUG or KISS each other in public and such affection is discouraged. It is extremely rare to see persons of the opposite sex HUG or KISS in public in the adult population. Hugging or kissing in public is permitted between married couples, but many people considered such affection an impropriety.

People might misinterpret the hugging or kissing between persons of the opposite sex to be an intimate relationship, even through the intention may not be as much. If a married woman is seen hugging or kissing another man, whether related or not, her husband or relatives may become very offended. It could be a grounds for divorce.

BODY GESTURES

• Social kiss in public is considered an impropriety and it is discouraged.

• Slapping ones back is rude unless it is between close friends.

• When motioning someone to your location, avoid using one finger. It is a sign of disrespect. It's generally an order to someone inferior and to call children only.

• Don't sit with legs wide open. It could be considered as sexual invitation if done by a woman. It could be an offensive position if done by a man.

• Pointing a finger at someone is rude and offensive position. It is used for pointing out a criminal or a person that is know to the person pointing.

• Many Southeast Asians believe there are 32 souls. The most inferior soul is at the feet. The importance of each soul rise according to the body, with the most important soul at the head. It is rude and disrespectful to touch another person using an inferior soul part. Example: Touching someone on the head with the hand.

• It is rude to look at someone in the eyes. A woman whether married or not is discouraged from looking at the opposite sex in the eyes. To do so is an indication that she has some interest in him, or that the person making the eye contact has respect for the other. A person of inferior status will stare at the ground or away from someone when being talked to.

• It is rude for women or children to walk in front of the house of guests or persons of high social status.

ASSUMPTIONS THAT ARE BARRIERS WHEN COUNSELING IMMIGRANTS

• Race is unimportant in interpersonal relationships.

• If Asian and other minorities try hard, they can assimilate into dominant society.

• Direct recognition of different will cause more harm than good.

• The only way to be successful is to emulate the dominant culture.

• Since Asian and other immigrants have chosen to live in this country, they must give up their traditions and old ways.

• There can be no real understanding between races.

• Asian and other immigrants are too clannish.

WAY TO IMPROVE YOUR CULTURAL FLUENCY

• Ask, and "really" listen. Allow your respect for another culture to shine through your questions.

• Be conscious of your own perceptions and world views.

• Understand you have a "cultural background" also. Not everyone follows your ways. Your background is not universal.

• Have empathy. Try and see the world through another person's eyes.

• Be conscious of your body language and other messages you may be sending out. Some messages may be invisible to you and unintentional. Remember, your attitude gives out silent signals.

• Recognize when your generalizations turn into stereotypes.

• Allow others to speak in their own languages. You don't know everything that happens around you. Enjoy the sounds of a language that you don't understand. Do not automatically assume they are talking about you.

• Learn to pronounce unfamiliar sounding names correctly. Be patient and trust your skills to do so.

• Accept contradictions and ambiguity. You don't have to be in control all the time.

• Have a sense of humor.